CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Concert Goers Guide to the Audience

You know, I've been to a lot of concerts and you know what's a TON of fun at concerts? People watching. An especially at country music shows - that is the pinnacle of people watching, my friends.

And because I am taking a few vacation days and am enjoying some free time, I present you with a guide to some popular concert-going characters:

Hoochie Girls:  These are girls who go to concerts in stilettos and VERY short skirts. It's totally impractical and they probably look great but I hate them anyway. (No one said I wasn't judgemental. and frankly, I think you can wear jeans and flats and still look cute.)

People Without Rhythm:  There's one or two at every show! You know, the lady sitting like two seats over who is clearly enjoying herself more than anyone in the room but can't clap along with the beat to save her LIFE. She becomes distracting. She's on the border of crazy-town. God love 'er.

The Guy Who's REALLY Into it: He's got posters and shirts and he knows EVERY. WORD. to EVER. SONG. And OMIGOD, he tears up when the artist sorta-kinda glanced his way.

Drunk Guy: Oh, you know this guy cause he probably lived on your college campus... and he hasn't left yet. YEAH! YEAH, BABY! YEAH! Not to be confused with...

Drunk Girl: She is, like, soooooo into this show. OMIGOD! Do you wanna dance? I totally wanna dance. I loooooooooooove this song. Like, I LOVE this song. Let's go gring up on some guy! EEEEEEEEEEEE!

Random Older People:  You gotta give' em credit, right? In a room full of screaming teens and 20-somethings, there are mom and dad or Uncle Bob and Aunt Betty. And they are all smiles. You go, random older people!

And who'd I forget, concert-lovers?

Trophy Time

My friends, I've lost ten pounds. I thought I needed a little trophy for that. Like every ten pounds, I'll make a little badge. And in FACT, I've lost 11.6 pounds. Hooray!

Now here's where my head gets twisted: I'm afraid to eat. Isn't that bizarre? I am so enjoying the weight loss, and it's not like I am starving myself, but I'm afraid to eat. I do not want to get on that scale EVER and see a gain. I'm horrified of that prospect.

But I'm eating. And I'm eating healthy. And I'm losing weight.

Over the weekend, I got a considerable amount of exercise. And I really watched my food. And so when I got on the scale on Monday and had only lost .75 lbs., I was disappointed. This is a result of losing six pounds in the first two days. But so be it. It wasn't, at least, a gain, and I know you just cannot drop three pounds a day.

And so today, my loss was 3.8. Ridiculous, right? Look, I'm not saying anyone can do this and I am not preaching my program. I don't want anyone to think this is the right thing for EVERYONE because, let's face it, I am not a role model. But shit, that was an INSANE weigh-in. I love it!

More than that, by the way, it's nice to feel a little bit in control of something I've previously felt totally out of control over. I'm tackling my own problem and telling it to fuck off. And it's AWESOME.

One drama at a time, readers. That's how I like 'em. After I have my health in check, I shall seek to bring peace to the Middle East. Amen.

What I Didn't Eat

On Saturday, I mentioned I was going to a cookie exchange party. True to my word, my friends, I did not eat any cookies, brownies or sweets. I stuck to Coke Zero and tea, had just a tiny scoop of mac & cheese and the veggie plate.

Oh man, did it SUCK but I feel good about it. And my friends? The best. Kept me laughing the whole time and so I have to say the company more than made up for what I wasn't eating in the end.

It was lovely and my friends put on quite a display of goodies:

 

Oh, but here was my plate:

 

Not. One. Regret.

Creepy Facebook Advertising

This ad was not altered for the sake of this entry. This ad was something I KEPT seeing I Facebook.

How many things about this ad bother YOU? For starters, and I think I've mentioned this before, how does Facebook KNOW? Did I mention it somewhere? Did I link to something? Is it my blog? Why do I keep getting ads for diets and plus size fashion and this so profoundly worded "chubby singles" crap? Doesn't that creep you out? It not only creeps me out but annoys me, too.

And then I look at its aesthetic. Why does it look like a four year old drew it with a crayon? I don't know what that says about it but that annoys me, too. LOL.

Although, let's be honest, kids. It's pretty easy to annoy me, right?

I'd rather, at the very least, see ads for blogs like mine. Health tips. Exercise tips. I could care less about ads that seem to hint at desperation somehow. 

* * * *

I'm feeling a tinge of a foul mood today. I feel... useless. Today, after a nice lunch with my family, my brother and I paid a visit to the local pet adoption in the park near my home which takes place every other Sunday. We always say we're gonna go to play with the puppies but we never get to it so I was excited to go at last. But as soon as we got out of the car and stepped onto the grass, I wanted to cry. I wanted to take every dog there home with me. I couldn't stand that I could not. The only thing I left with was a volunteer information flier... I would have been happier to bring Ella, Opie and Monk with me. Who abandons these lovable and loving dogs? It kills me.

Fun Theory

I saw this over at Zak's blog and loved the idea of it so much - I had to share this:

And what about you? What do you do to make exercise fun? I ask cause it would benefit me to know some way how.... LOL.

Masochist

Today, I am going to the annual cookie exchange, hosted by friends, in which everyone brings a sweet treat to share and a little extra to send home with someone. I am going knowing the following:

1. Refusing to be antisocial due to this new diet plan, I am going to prove I can be around these things and not eat them (this was a major accomplishment last night wherein I went to my favorite bar with friends and drank 1 diet coke and water all night).

2. Whatever I take home is going to my roommate. Alas.

3. My Mississippi Mudlisde brownies will have to be taste-tested by someone else! Sure hope they're not poisonous... LOL.

While baking said brownies, which I am considering renaming "Masochistic Mudslide Brownies," I was quite zealous about it, making my lunch at the same time so I could eat right after I'd popped the little suckers into the over, and putting every utensil I used right into a soapy-water-filled bowl in the sink so I wouldn't be licking off any remnants.

I lost 7.5 pounds this week and I am not about to blow it!

What I am really concentrating on this week: more water (MORE!) and finding some kind of exercise I can do without aggravating my ankles, which are KILLING me in this cold weather.

Incidentally, lunch was small, but delicious. I had Lindora's honey-baked ham (I ordered some of their pre-packaged meals) and 1 egg, scrambled sans butter or milk or salt:

 

I assure you it was far more colorful and delicious than my Blackberry camera captured.

So my tummy is mostly full, the tree is lit up with lights and sparkly decor, my apartment smells like baked goods and I'm watching "White Christmas" on the ol' Tivo... Perhaps I'm having a breakthrough moment in my Scrooge-dom.

Quote of the Day

Me: I love that things we say in English every day sound so much sexier in other languages....

Jaime: Yo Tambien.

(pause)

Jaime: Wait, that wasn't sexy.

Maybe I am sleep deprived and the new diet is changing my humor but hell, that had me giggling to myself like a crazy person while I worked late tonight.

Quote of the Day

Me: It smells funny... Like curry. Does anyone smell something?

Person 1: Like desperation?

Person 2: Sometimes desperation smells like curry.

Results are IN!

TODAY'S WEIGH-IN: -3.1 pounds

AMAZING! I know, I know - I'm fresh out of the gate, I'm especially motivated and for these first few days, I am eating a very controlled diet intended to get my body a-movin' so I don't, of course, expect to drop three pounds every day -- nor is that even HEALTHY.

But it sure made me feel good.

One question for any experts or near-experts out there-- due to a new diet, is it possible my muscles might cramp? I've been having these weird spasm-ish things. Thoughts?

Quote of the Day

Me: I like your belt

Lauren: My belt likes YOU.

And enter evil, evil laughter following.

I am the Queen of Inappropriateness.... Maybe you had to be there. I thought it was a hilarious moment.