CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Sex

Oh yeah, I know that title got your attention.

I believe I have written about sex before and so I apologize in advance but given the.... er, FUN subject matter, I didn't think any of you would mind.

You know, the one thing I've give to coupled and married people is that at least you've got that built in, sort of mandatory companionship. I've not been a huge fan of relationships since... well, since I was about 23 (5 years ago), but I get that about it.

I have a point, by the way, and it's relevant - just stick with me.

So once I was thin and it wasn't like I was raging sex-a-holic in those days. And by the way, when I say thin, I am referring to a size 12 which in my eyes now is thin but was porky then. And so I find now that I am heavier, I crave comfort more. It is, I'm sure, because I am less secure in myself at this weight, and so you do the math. I miss cuddling and I miss hugs and, by God, I miss SEX.

Yeah, it's been a little while. Not the longest I've ever waited by far but it's been enough time that I am starting to miss it.

But how to get it...

You know how they (who the hell are "they?" Those assholes) -- you know how they say girls can always get it when they want it? I don't agree. Do you think some guy sees me from across a crowded bar and plans to get in my pants? Do you think a group of buddies scope me out and make bets with themselves? Let's not kid ourselves. I'm last resort girl. I'm "hot chicks 1-10 went home with their boyfriends so what's left" girl.

Pause here. Before all my friends start giving me the "stop being so hard on yourself" lecture just don't. A little realism never hurt anyone. And I'm trying to hilarious while I'm being real so maybe I can make us both laugh!

Moving on...

So yeah, I miss sex.

And more than that, like I said, the cuddles and the hugs. That sensation that runs up your very core when someone comes up behind you and slides his arms around your waist and nuzzles into your neck... you know what I mean.

But when you're a "fat girl" it's like these things are impossible to attain. And all I want is for someone to just see ME. Cause I think, fat, thin or regular sized, I'm a catch, dammit!

In the meantime, I have a little furball of love curled up in my lap and he loves me no matter what! Isn't that sweet and wonderful? And lucky.

                                        

And I'm Feelin' Good

I have to tell you, I may be a stress case when it comes to work and school but I've spent the last few days exercising here and there and eating pretty well. It makes me feel good about myself.

Now if I could just keep my hands off the hersheys for the rest of the day...

Happy Halloween!

I know you'd probably like to see me in my costume. Here I am:

That's Mike as Wolverine. He pulls it off well.

Getting ready was a lot of fun. I enjoyed playing with makeup.

 

You gotta love the shiny blue eye shadow.

Anyway, it's not so much related to my blog but I had to show you some of my favorite costumes of the night:

My friends Ryan & Shaun made a perfect Mario & Luigi.

Missy was the Stanley Cup. She made that herself. It's pretty amazing. Becky, a native of Canada, paid homage to her homeland as a sexy Mountie.

Jason went as The Iron Giant. It's pretty amazing. You can'r really tell but the eyes light up. Very cool. Jason always goes above and beyond.

Rick and Ariel. Really, you didn't get much hotter than this all night. And Ariel made that corsette herself. Which is awesome.

Kirsten made this herself and that little helicopter really twirled all night! Go-go-gadget Kirsten!

Halloween, not even Wednesday, and already you are a success. Thank you.

Growth

Every now and then I get an e-mail or MySpace message from a "fan" and I really love that. (I always write back, by the way, so please keep sending me notes.) And every now and then, one of my "fans" is a current friend and even more special, one of my long lost friends who's found me out on MySpace or Facebook, etc.

It always feels good to hear from anyone but I have a warm spot in my heart for long lost friends that I am priveleged to reconnect with. Especially via this blog since it's become so meaningful to me.

And getting more back on topic, something significant happened on Wednesday this week at Jenny Craig. My counselor, "Angela the Angel" as I like to refer to her here, showed me the photo I took at the start of things and finally, I was able to see that I have lost weight! Seriously, the biggest disappointment to me thus far is that I just can't tell. Sure, a couple pairs of pants are big on me, but I just look like my old fat self when I really examine my body.

But in that picture, I saw someone a little more tired and a little more lazy. I saw someone who would have never had the courage to talk about herself as I do here or buy a Halloween costume that stops above the knee.

Oh yeah, it's only 30 pounds (or so) but what a difference it makes!

My current goal, by the way, is just to fit into my sassy black suit from Nordstrom that was my favorite when I was that size. I'm wearing that thing to my H.S. reunion in December, dammit. I even promised to start going back to the gym. And by God, I'm just nuts enough to do it!

Which reminds me, kids, if anyone belongs to the Bally's near me, feel free to come along. If I am doing it as a date, I'm far less likely to cop out.

Which ALSO reminds me to tell you that at lunch today, I ordered something healthy and when I saw the portion upon delivery, I only ate half. Check me out with the self control!

I must return to the professor's lecture now. He has a British accent and I continue to picture him in a Gryffindor robe and glasses. Perhaps you have heard the term "adorkable?"

Results!

Wow.

Well, I am down another pound and a half!

YAY ME!!!

                               

I Seek Validation

Please vote for me in the Blogger's Choice Awards!

Vote here: http://bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/25368

A Little PR Never Hurt

So one of the coolest perks (read: only perk) I've gotten as a result of keeping this blog is that a nice publicist offered to send me some Curves food products for free for me to review here at my leaisure. I don't have to like it or dislike it - I can be honest - and in return, she sent me a box of granola bar type things and a box of cereal.

I am not the biggest fan of curves personally but then, I am not the biggest fan of gyms personally. I have heard they support pro-life organizations and they are closed on Sundays. But you cannot debate its value when you see how many people get results from them; namely my friends Becky and Roxanne, whose pictures I've shown you here. They have lost, combined, hundreds of pounds, and they look fabulous. They attribute it to Curves and good diet.

So anyway, I haven't tried the cereal yet but I've had a couple of bars. They're 100 calories so they fit on the JC plan and they're not too high in fat for that matter (3.5g). They're a little high on the carb side for my liking but I suppose I'm never satisfied until something is carb-free AND delicious.

 

   

And these are pretty tasty, actually. There's not a burst of flavor in every bite but you can taste the peanut butter and the chocolate and it's not like eating a protein bar or some bland organic thing you might get at Trader Joes. These are good! If you're running out the door, this is good to throw in your purse.

As my Jenny Craig bars are bland and gross to me by now, these will serve as a good alternative, I think.

Also, I enjoy that all the women in the advertising campaign love them so much, they are jumping for joy. On the box, on the website... no one was ever so excited to eat as these girls on the website.

Nerves

Tomorrow: weigh in.

Stress and nervousness ensue.

*grinds teeth*

Wish me luck!

BBC News on Health

Diet choices 'written in genes'

Our food likes and dislikes may have more to do with genes than choice, UK researchers believe. Experts from Kings College London compared the eating habits of thousands of pairs of twins. Identical twins were far more likely to share the same dietary patterns - like a penchant for coffee and garlic - suggesting tastes may be inherited. A health psychologist said this meant childhood food foibles might be harder to put right than previously thought. We have assumed that our upbringing and social environment determine what we like to eat. This has blown that theory out of the water Identical twins have exactly the same genetic make-up as each other, so scientists, by comparing them to non-identical twins, can work out the likelihood that their characteristics are due to "nature" or "nurture". The Kings College researchers looked at a total of more than 3,000 female twins aged between 18 and 79, working out their broad preferences using five different dietary "groups". These included diets heavy in fruit and vegetables, alcohol, fried meat and potatoes, and low-fat products or low in meat, fish and poultry. Coffee inheritance Their results, published in the journal Twin Research and Human Genetics, suggested that between 41% and 48% of a person's leaning towards one of the food groups was influenced by genetics. The strongest link between individual liking and genes involved a taste for garlic and coffee. Professor Tim Spector, who led the research, said: "For so long we have assumed that our upbringing and social environment determine what we like to eat. "This has blown that theory out of the water - more often than not, our genetic make-up influences our dietary patterns." The researchers suggested that healthy eating campaigns, such as the government's "five-a-day" fruit and vegetable initiative, might have to be re-thought in light of the findings, as people genetically "programmed" to eat less fruit and vegetables would be more resistant to health messages than thought. Brain 'rewards' Professor Jane Wardle, from University College, said that the findings, and other similar research, pointed to genetics playing a "moderate" part in the development of preferred foods. She said that it was possible that genes involved with taste, or the "reward" chemicals released by the body in response to certain foods, might play a role. "People have always made the assumption that food choices are all due to environmental factors during life, but it now seems this isn't the case. "It also suggests that what parents do to influence eating habits in childhood are not necessarily as important as we thought - and that a lot of effort may need to be made with young people as they become independent in adolescence to steer them onto the right course."

Source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7057060.stm

Complimentary

So I went with some friends today to the annual Oktoberfest at Alpine Village and it was an absolute BLAST. I won't bore you with the crap I ate there because we all know how totally NOT dedicated I've been to the ol' Jenny Craig lately (god dammit, I just want to eat normal human food)...

                                                

Anyway, I was standing off to the side with some friendly strangers, smoking, and this trashy looking lady, in her very-fake Chanel sunglasses and ill-fitting top was SO Excited cause SHE owned the SAME shirt I was wearing!

And I said "Yeah, I think I got this at Old Navy."

She said "It's ok honey, we both know we shop at Lane Bryant."

I really could have slugged her.

Almost immediately forgot about this conversation (due to its tremendous lack of class and civility, of course) but I was sitting here just now and remembering it and reached around behind my neck to see-- well, I guess I DID buy this at Lane Bryant but that's not really the point, is it?

Look, I'm not THRILLED to be shopping in plus size stores, plus size departments and the like, but I'm certainly not ashamed of it. Look at me. I am clearly not a size 4. I'm also clearly not a size 12. So yeah, I shop at Lane Bryant and I order things from Old Navy... it's just I really was just guessing where I bought this shirt and she made me feel like I was lying to the world or something.

Ugh, if I am ranked in this world with women like that, I will just shrivel up and die.

But we both know she is ages behind us all in social tact. I won't worry about it.