CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Schmucks.

  People are such asshats.

The last Thursday of every month is cake day. Every month we all gather around in the big conference room and sing and pretend we like each other, which is really all just a pretense for the fact that dammit, we want cake.

The office manager always puts out like five cakes - usually a chocolate and an apple pie among them - and we all stand around like drooling hobos, waiting to cut in.

So this week, as I am feeling particularly conscious of myself and my body, I decided I wouldn't even go up there for cake. I mean, fuck it. Why should I even tempt myself? To prove a point? Well, I don't need to prove it that badly. I stayed in my cube like a good little puppy, with my tail between my legs, and kept my mouth shut about it.

And minutes later, people started to return to their offices and cubicals like kids running home from school for their afternoon treat. Exclaiming horrible things liek "WOW! IS THIS GOOD!" or "YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON GREAT CHOCOLATE CAKE!" and my personal favorite "DON'T BE SO GOOD! ENJOY SOMETHING FOR ONCE!"

I could bitch slap the whole lot of 'em.

Website Referral

Thanks, Meg, for the link:

http://www.healthylivingwithellie.com/

Looks like a promising site. Enjoy.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Can Emotion Burn Calories?

I'm up so late tonight because I can't sleep. I am going to a concert tomorrow night that I have been waiting all my life to see. I'm not the ginormous music lover I used to be but this music takes me back over 14 years when I discovered it and I cannot wait. So I am positively energized with excitement right now. So much so I am petrified something horrendous will happen that will keep me from going.

Hey-- no one ever said I was an optimist. So sue me.

This reminds me of Harry in When Harry Met Sally when he admits he reads the end of the book first in case he dies before he finishes. Well, I'm not THAT insane but same concept. You know what I mean.

I washed an aboslute shitload of dishes tonight and I am considering it exercise. Any activity after which your body hurts from repetitive motion should count as exercise. In which case, I should be having sex two or three times a day... I'm just sayin...

(Right about now, half of you are feeling sorry for me that I think of sex as just a repetitive motion and the other half of you are feeling my pain.)

So anyway, I'm mostly writing this because I don't have anything else to do. I worked a ten hour day with no break and should be exhausted but I'm just not. All I can do is think and smile, think and smile.

I was thinking earlier today, actually, that one of the good things about being broke might turn out to be that I'll have to go without food soon if I don't start being more careful. Oh you laugh but I am only half-kidding...

I was thinking earlier today that I really did love my yoga class last Saturday night. It wasn't so much a class as it was a little sampling of a class courtesy of my neighbor (she's an instructor) but I really did love it and I want to do it again. What's stopping me? Why do I do that?

I was thinking tonight that I will not be buying the Jenny Craig Beef Strogonoff anymore. It was really gross. I tried to think of a more cerebral word than "gross" but sometimes a word like that just suits my needs. GROSS. I threw it out and had a BBQ chicken pizza. I had one last night too, by the way. It's my new fave but is sadly not filling enough. Anyway, I would recommend it regardless. But yeah, avoid the nasty beef.

"Nasty beef" sounds like some dirty slang term, by the way.

I am thinking I might be getting a little loopy and should try one more time to get some sleep before I say something truly embarassing and scare all my readers away...

Um.... NO.

FAT FAT FATTENING Food

Ready to be pretty much SICK? Check out this little item I scanned out of Portfolio Magazine today:

20 Foods To Snack On For Enhanced Productivity

Most people eat to lose weight, get healthy and build muscle. There are some people, however, who snack correctly in order to enhance their productivity. The following is a list of 20 foods you can eat to improve your eye-sight, improve your performance, energize your brain and keep your day on track.

1. Avocados. These keep you from bloating up after a big lunch and are tasty either on their own, with sugar or salt on top, or with your salad.
2. Almonds. Great for brainpower.
3. Raisins. Want more energy? Grab a pack of raisins. They are high in energy and antioxidants,  and low in fat and calories.
4. Figs. They help maintain high energy levels while keeping your appetite far away. Whether you find fresh figs or a pack of dried fruit, enjoy its natural sweetness.
5. Olives. These are anti-inflammatory and they reduce symptoms to arthritis, asthma and menopause.
6. Walnuts. These are full of omega 3 fatty acids to help you think more clearly and keep you focused. Excellent source of protein, but be sure to chew well.
7. Carrots. I love carrots and have at least six carrots in a big glass of juice every morning. They are also good for other times too. Snacking on one cup of chopped carrots will give you six times your recommended daily value of Vitamin A. They improve eyesight, especially in the dark.
8. Strawberries. As with carrots and flaxseeds, strawberries surprisingly aid in better eye sight. Eating strawberries has also been linked to preventing cancer.
9. Flaxseeds. If you’ve been working hard all day, have some flaxseeds. They are great for your eyes to stop them feeling a little dried out, and allowing you to feel fresh even after a hard day.
10. Water. Nothing beats water, the healthiest drink on the planet. It speeds up your metabolism, makes you feel fuller instead of eating junk and keeps you hydrated.
11. Sunflower seeds. A popular way to beat fatigue. Chew properly as it can take some time.
12. Papaya. The colorful fruit helps protect you against the potential damages of secondhand smoke, rheumatoid arthritis, and even the common cold.
13. Pear. Usually only available during the pear season and when they come out, I always get them. They taste good, they’re cool in the mouth and they are hypo-allergenic.
14. Green tea. So this is probably one of the trendiest tea’s out there, but it’s also very healthy for your body. They are full of antioxidants and strengthens your immune system.
15. Ginger. Great for beating nausea and stomach gas. Have it as ginger tea, ginger in your stomach or as low fat ginger cookies. Also helps ease stomach tummy muscles.
16. Peppermint. If you have a stomach bug or just need to perk up a bit, have a peppermint drink. It’s a great muscle relaxant and helps you clean up your nasal passages and breathe easily.
17. Watermelon. There is nothing like cool, red sweet watermelon that gives you great energy and nutrients without any calories. It’s a great energy booster.
18. Low fat yoghurt. Yoghurt is refreshing and cool when you put it in your mouth so it’s a great, tasteful wake up call for your mind.
19. Dark chocolate. Having one small bar a day will satisfy your cravings for sweets and give you a load of antioxidants.
20. Raspberries. These beautiful fruits are a great source of antioxidants which are great to neutralize your free radicals which can affect your cells.

There you have it, my 20 ways to enhance productivity. What do you snack on in between work that increases your quality of work? Please share…

source: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/20-foods-to-snack-on-for-enhanced-productivity.html

Shopping Gripes

Ok, who the hell is designing clothes for plus sized women???

Yesterday, my mom and I set out on a mission for a new suit. I was not happy to spend money on clothes but it's become a necessity for work to have it. We had NO luck with it but I got a couple pairs of nice pants and a jacket that's sort of suit-ish and match-ish. LOL.

But ladies, seriously, we're in bad shape if this is what so-called fashion experts think we're supposed to be wearing. A few key issues off the top of my head? Too much fabric, big scary patterns, horrible fabrics, unrealistic styling...

Oh, but wait - I took photos. Let's all pause to thank the inventor of camera phones to allow me to break the law.

The keyhole. Ok, seriously? You gotta know that most of us are wearing a bra, right? And for the minority- the flat chested heavyset woman - she's not wanting to show you her stuff in this way. Trust me. Horrible, horrible planning. And the pattern is semi-hideous. They could do better.

Note: Bold patterns do not at all hide size. It's a lie.

Oh good. I'm overweight AND a linebacker now. Are you kidding me? On the hanger this dress looks like Tom Brady's overweight sister should be wearing it. And the line across the chest? Using black does not slim. It's hard contrast to the BRIGHT pink makes it completely obvious that you are BROAD. And it does not grant the illusion that you have sexy bust. It grants the illusion that you might be a whale.

I speak the truth. Pardon my bluntness.

Yes. Please. Let's call attention to the size of my torso. LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!

100% silk. Tank tunic. Low-cut v-neckline. All phrases I should never have to say. Look, you might be able to pull this top off and if you can, good for you (really!) but I want you to consider that maybe, just maybe, it's a bad idea. The arm holes are likley to be either too tight or too big (giving everyone a view) and the fabric is not goingto be flattering. Silk doesn't breathe and it clings in warmth.

And by the way, the pattern on the shirt in the back? Also hideous.

Ok, pretend for a moment you have any kind of chest. This is just not going to hit you right. You might think it does but it won't. And the fact that it has a THICK, HORIZONTAL stripe across the middle? Well, I shouldn't have to tell you how wrong that is. By the way - the little flecks all over it? SPARKLES. Because now you can not only be a disco dancer, you can be the disco BALL.

Seriously, Macy's - CALL ME. We need to chat.

Lany Bryant? You too. Oh, I didn't get any pictures but you got problems in there. Chief among them is my biggest shopping peeve. When they hang something on a hanger or on a mannequin and then pull the article of clothing back from the rear and tie it off so the item looks smaller. Why are you doing that? What message is that sending? So now I'm in a plus size store that is ashamed of its merchandise?

And as for shopping online- I got beef there too. Oh yeah- I am full of the gripes today.

From Nordstrom.com:

No, I did not use the wrong picture. This is from the plus size department.

Anyway.... Well, I'm all complained out. Thank you for your attention and patience.

Art to Love

So I discovered via a friend of mine this website: http://www.curiousartist.com/

It's a showcase for up and comer artists and designers, etc.

Anyway, one painting in particular by Richard Wilkinson touched me and I think you'll agree it speaks to all of us.

It's called "Learn to Love Fat." Good for him, I say.

EAT

Crap! Have you ever had one of those days where you just canNOT stop eating?

Seriously, here I go again. Is it edible? I'll put it in my mouth. AND, if you're lucky, I'll digest it before I reach for the next thing.

I ate my Jenny breakfast around 9:30 this morning (french toast). I had a snack bar at 10:30. A bit before noon, I had a cup of the Jenny tomato soup which is actually a freebie all-I-can-eat food so I have at least one a day. Nathalie, my coworker, took me to lunch today where I ate a turkey sandwich and cabbage slaw. I did manage to stop halfway through and get a to-go box. This afternoon, I've had a cup of popcorn, another snack bar, and now I am picking at some gummi bears.

Good GOD, people, I am STILL hungry! What gives?

Just one of those days....

Nice Perk

We have a new VP at our office-- his wife works at Martha Stewart Magazines and ever now and then he brings in stacks and stacks of issues to give out to us eager ladies. The FOOD issue I scored today was all healthy recipes and I couldn't resist sharing a few of my favorite pieces with you:

 

I don't know how these images are gonna come out but if anything looks interesting to you, I'm happy to send it along. Just leave me a comment and let me know.