Friends, countrymen, blog-readers! I summon you and beg you lend me your ears for just a moment as I offer some sage wisdom.
Leggings are NOT - I repeat: NOT - for everyone.
This is crucial, kiddies. This lesson is one that should be taught at a young age. I was of a fortunate generation. A generation which, god help us, was exposed to spandex and stretchy pants in the 80s. We learned, in the early stages of youth, that sure it might be shiny, but lycra is not for everyone. We knew, at a fairly young age, that leggings, though lightweight and comfy, are not flattering to all body types.
Tonight I saw a horror. I walked into that Chili's restaurant and saw a group of teenaged girls who clearly called one another before they left the house. I imagine it went like this (names have been imagined to protect the fashionably challenged):
Muffy: Hey, what are you wearing tonight?
Pixie: Leggings and Uggs.
Muffy: Omigod! Me TOO!
Lexi: Hey, Pix, what are you wearing to dinner?
Pixie: Oh, Muf and I are TOTALLY wearing leggings and Uggs.
Lexi: Omigod, no WAY. I was TOTALLY going to wear that too! Twinsies!!!
VOMIT.
Muffy pulled it off. At 5'7" and all of 90 pounds, she had skinny legs and I was not appauled to see her in leggings (though I was appauled she ate chicken dippers and fries, knowing she probably would not gain more than half an ounce). Pixie was not too offensive though a long shirt might have done her some good (though her boyfriend did not mind regardless-- his hand was planted on her ass for a good portion of the wait time). But someone totally should have told Lexi, who is not really fat, just a wee bit overweight and chubby in the thighs, that leggings are not for her. Lexi would have looked adorable in some dark jeans and that top she had on but in her leggigns, which revealed every crease of her legs, her lacey tank and Uggs... Oh, poor Lexi.
And don't even get me started on the skinny jean. Honey, they are called SKINNY jeans for a reason. You need to be skinny to wear them. Christy Turlington you are not.
Buenos Noches, queridos.
