CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Quote of the Day

Ok, don't laugh but this was on TV last night - some of you know how I love the Star Trek TNG - and I found the moment sort of touching...

Riker: In all trust, there is the possibility of betrayal. I'm not sure you were prepared for that.
Data: Were you prepared, sir?
Riker: I don't think anybody ever is.
Data: Then it is better not to trust?
Riker: Without trust there's no friendship. No closeness. None of the emotional bonds that makes us who we are.
Data: And yet you put yourself at risk?
Riker: Every single time.

Quote of the Day

"I botoxed my penis once. I gave it up after I realized it lost its full range of expressiveness. Now it can show puzzlement again."

-John Mayer to DJ AM via Twitter

Intervention!

Well you've all wondered where I've been and now I can tell you - I've been watching the Food Network.

Honest to God, how did I not know about this before? My mom and brother have me turned onto all of these fabulous shows-- "The Best Thing I Ever Ate," "Chopped," "Diners, Dives and Drive-ins," "Ace of Cakes..." Do you know this is a fat girl's worst enemy and yet, I can't stop! I'm tivo'ing the hell out of this stuff.

Next question - how do I get a job there? LOL.

The thing that kills me, though? The commercials. Well, usually I can fast-forward through them (thank you, Tivo) but I've counted, at LEAST, one Jenny Craig commercial per break. I'm not kidding. And that is JUST what you wanna see,right? Whilst I watch Ted Allen relive his best BBQ experience, I want to be guilted by Valerie Bertinelli in a bikini.

Bitch. (Oh leave me alone. You know I've worked with her and she's cmpletely nice but I get to be bitter right now.)

In other news, as I clearly can't be trusted to blog here often enough, I want to remind you there are other ways to stalk me on the web:

My personal blog: http://confessionsofafatgirl.typepad.com/other/

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/AmandaJoy

I wish you all a lovely weekend. I'll be half-heartedly reading my new book while I whole-heartedly watch Food TV.

Quote of the Day

"Fat girls have to be freaks in bed. It’s the only way we’ll convince a guy to choose us over someone thin. "

-Stephanie Klein

(Have a sense of humor - it just made me giggle.)

Quote of the Day

"I don't give a shit what you are doing every 20 minutes. That's why I divorced my ex-husband."

-My co-worker on Twitter

And frankly, though I am an admitted Twitter addict? I find this hilarious and accurate.

Damn You, Food!

So my mother and brother have gotten me addicted to the Food Network.

I watched it from time to time in the past but between Sunday and Monday, I put in a solid ten hours watching it. Thank you, Tivo.

And I'm not talking about these shows where someone stands there and teaches you to cook something (Where did Ming Tsai go? I loved him once upon a time) but these competition shows and talk shows and specials... I watched two hours of "The Best Thing I Ever Ate" last night and actually took NOTES, people. I think I have a sickness.

One of the "best things" was "Ebelskivers." I want them. I am going to find a recipe and make them. Soon. I assure you. I am going to have me an ebelskiver soiree, kiddies -- look out.

My restaurant wishlist is growing. If only I could travel to Seattle and try the doughnut bites at Lola. Giada DeLaurentis looked like she was having a mouth-gasm eating those...

Fathers Day and Other Merriment

In honor of Fathers Day, my family split a bottle of wine at dinner. I am pretty sure I drank most of it... My brother, the smart one, had water. But it was delicious!

We laughed so much at dinner - it was glorious despite my embarassment at getting that hammered in front of my parents. Although, they were perfectly good sports about it. I think they thought it was funny more than anything.

This morning, we had breakfast with my dad's family- my aunts and uncles and grandparents. We walked around in very lovely weather near the marina and I happened upon some stunning shoes in Marmi which I had to force myself to resist. I will dream of them later...

Yesterday I resisted a spending spree at The Americana and Glendale Galleria after lunch with Myra save one pair of $3.80 earings I "treated" myself to. They're deep blue and ginormous and dangly. I may never wear them but for $3.80, I hardly care. They're great looking... I could have spent a fortune in Kitson on funny gift items and t-shirts and gorgeous handbags. But thanksfully, we had a movie to get to. FYI, The Hangover is just hilarious. I think I nearly wet myself laughing. At some parts, I had to clutch my sides and gasp for air. We walked around The Galleria after, having no more success than we really did at The Americana but it was a nice, long day.

I hardly consider myself a trendy person but spent Friday night at a VIP party in a posh Hollywood club. Well, to me it was posh though I don't know if I'd call some of the patrons on the "average person" floor posh... I'm thinking about the Don Johnson wanna-be, the bouncer with the semi-mullet and the bad dancer in the white t-shirt. BUt I digress, of course. For her 30th birthday, my friend Mona has reserved the VIP lounge on the 2nd floor of Les Deux and I forced myself, for once, to dress up a little and hit a club. Rory was kind enough to join me (he was the perfect date - we had a blast) and we drank a little, danced a little, judged a lot... I had a really great time and we didn't leave until the nice bouncer had to escort us out the VIP exit. Did you know VIP's get their own exit? I would like to be a VIP all the time, thanks. Bottle service, comped admission, sparkly cake and celebrity friends suit me. I felt up-on-high on our balcony-laden VIP suite and felt secure with the people I knew and didn't care who was skinnier than I was in that safe-room. I'm going to get "VIP since 2009" on my business cards, FYI.

You'd think something like 7 glasses of red wine would have me pooped and ready to pass out but I feel sort of wired right now. Maybe I'm still a little drunk. I'm never happy to welcome Monday to the show but I feel especially devestated to do so after outstanding weekends like this.

Monday, come at your own risk. I'm armed!

Quote of the Day

"Westlake Village is the cultural hub of the universe for so many people...a shame really. But now I'll be able to more truly appreciate the subtle architectural statements of the next big mall."

-Josh Pollack, comparing his profound experiences in Cambodia to his hometown

Can't Touch This

 

So I tuned into A&E for Hammertime. I liked the ad campaign (above- GENIUS) and I always like the guy... The show was mediocre. It's reality TV but everyone (except the star) is clearly affected by the cameras' presence.

And I'm so not a fan of "Cousin Marv." I suspect A&E was hoping he'd be like star #2? Not so much.

Also, enjoyed that there was conveniently a "take your dad to school day" when they were taping... If I had to take MC Hammer to school, I really think he's gotta wear the parachute pants... Also think the other dads looked a little sad. Poor other-dads. Especially the dad who did th Hammer dance. Oh white-man, don't!

P.S. (Enjoyed the Twitter tie-in. I'm a fan.)

I'm a Real Girl!

Oh look,I DO exist!

For starters, to the few people who like to e-mail me from time to time, reminding me I haven't posted, I remind you ths is not a job for me, just a labor of love. When you want to start paying me, then we can talk

I've not written for a number of reasons. To begin with, I don't have too much to say that's news to you.

Meaning? My weight has been fluctuating around these annoying five pounds. I had my annual physical yesterday and my health is miraculously great. I have my usual problems- the bad ankle, the exhaustion, the stress - but are these are weight related? No way to know. My job is in tact... they laid off some people in my department and I am astoundingly busy, but so be it. I am employed and try to stay happy about that. I am still single and still lonely. I have been on a couple dates, but clearly noting blog-worthy and so... I'm quiet.

I'll come up with material- I promise. I know I've broken promises to consistently blog more in the past, so you're just gonna have to bear with me, kids.

Hope you are all enjoying the start of Summer. Here in LA it's all June gloom. Everyone seems annoyed by the lack of heat and sun but I'm good with weather like this for a while.