CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

I, like Kermit: "It's Not Easy Being Green"

Everyone is facebooking, blogging and tweeting (new verbs - mark 'em down, Oxford) about delightful Sunday afternoons spent in gardens, on the beach, at the pool... Drinking iced tea, sipping martinis and cocktails, laughing with friends.

I am green with envy. I had no choice. My Sunday's schedule was dictated by the way I felt and how some other things unraveled, and I am not bitter... but I'm still a little jealous. 

Next weekend is a three-day weekend (three and a half really, since I am on a half-day-Friday schedule for summer) and I look forward to it with great anticipation. I foresee decadence and much gilrishness. I may even shrug off my shyness, pull on a bathing suit, just to duck in a pool for a spell.

 

Last night I had a marvelous time, out with friends, but my beverage count and better judgement got away from me and so by night's end, I was drunk. Happy, mind you, but quite drunk. I woke up today feeling pretty damned awful as a result (I'm so blessed - I never manage to miss a hangover), and so save one family outing, I spent most of my day on the couch, drinking water and watching Tivo. 

Of course, I have to tell you some AMAZING news. It's just the best thing to happen in a while... You see, my neighbors are moving OUT. My horrible, nasty, trashy, negligent neighbors with the screamingest, whiniest toddler ever, are moving away and I am so happy about it, I am tempted to throw a party themed "Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead."

I gave them a lot of latitude when they first moved in, not wanting to make enemies of them. I'm actually a passive person and will often overlook a helluva lot in order to avoid confrontation. Eventually, though, things like the play sessions outside my room at 2am, finding the kid unsupervised playing in the parking lot, seeing the mom drunk, smoking, and teaching the child the eff-word... It takes a toll and I think I wrote my landlord two or three times with formal complaints. 

The final straw came when I one night, I got home from work and ran nextdoor to the market. The market is REALLY nextdoor -- their east-facing wall is the back wall of my patio -- and I was gone for about 4 minutes (buying a soda). I'd left my backdoor cracked, and the screen door closed. I came back and started my dinner when I heard noise in the bedroom. I went back there to find my neighbors' little boy in my room, trying on my bracelets. Freaked out, I coaxed him to come back across to his apartment with me, and there, found mommy passed out in the back bedroom, all the apartment doors wide open... 

There are a lot of stories like this, trust me. Point is, I was constantly disturbed and frustrated with their behavior and feeling such pity for the child, I called social services. I do not live in a secure apartment building and I was plagued with imaginings of this poor child running out to the street or really hurting himself (which ultimately he did when yesterday, he fell down some stairs because his mom was, and I quote verbatim, "too busy to watch him"). 

Needless to say, they did not like me too much after that. And I didn't even care. they made a couple of truly inappropriate gestures toward me after that but I only laughed, knowing that behavior only proved my point and that karma would get them in the end. 

I am sad for the child stuck with these drunk, rude, ignorant people as parents but I hope he will be okay. It is my understanding that they are moving to be closer to grandparents, who actually seem, SHOCKINGLY, like normal, nice people. 

And selfishly, I cannot lie, I am THRILLED for them to be out of my life. When they leave, it is likely I will never think of them again. 

By the way, anyone in Los Angeles need a lovely one-bedroom? I mean, you'd wanna sage the shit out of this place, but it's actually a lovely apartment... LOL.

Anyway, tomorrow is Monday but I welcome it knowing it is the only way to get to NEXT weekend. Bring it on, Monday. If you fuck with me, I'll cut you. 

I like vampires, especially funny vampires

Thanks to Joe, who posted this to his Facebook. I laughed.

Quote of the Day

Me: My roommate is out of town so I think I'll walk around the apartment without pants on for a couple days.

Hot guy at the next table: Where do you live exactly?

I'm a moron for not giving him my address.

Quote of the Day

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away."

-Author Unknown, c. 1970

Who's heard of this site?

Who knew?!

In the wake of one of my posts yesterday, Majorie commented on the Facebook wall that in fact, Lane Bryant DOES NOT have every size -- there are actually some limitations when you get into the larger sizes...

And she referred me to HerRoom.com, which I'd never heard of, and surfed in wonderment. It's fabulous! Not only do they sell a huge array of sizes, there's a lot of variety -- something that is often lacking in plus sizes, especially in lingerie!

So have at it, ladies. 

 

Bacon is The Gospel

You know, there is a lot of food out there (I realize this is quite a profound observation) but often I notice certain foods taking on a trendier, heavier presence in the press...

I mean, for example, CUPCAKES. I don't know what it's like where you live, but here in the Los Angeles area, there seem to be over 200 cupcake shops! How did that happen? Can you pick a favorite, cause I sure can't!

And also, frozen yogurt. Menchie's is EVERYWHERE (and shit, now I want some), not to mention Pinkberry, Yogurtland, Chill... There are probably well over 200 of those shops in this area, too.

But let's not forget the food that draw the most loyal courtship. The most savory, delicious, serveable at any meal snack: BACON.

No, it's true! People who love bacon, friggin' LOVE BACON. Have you noticed this? Me? I like bacon a lot. And in the right mood, it can really hit the spot. But I won't be hunting down bacon flavored ice cream or eating any baco-chocolate (which I've tried and didn't care for).

Bacon lovers are fanatics. They are hilarious in their devotion and also, for me personally, sort of lovable in a way.

What other foods draw a huge following? Sushi lovers, perhaps... What else?

This entry was inspired by a blog a co-worker referred me to: http://bacontoday.com/

A blog only, always about BACON, You gotta love it.

Fabulous Sale For the Ladies

Seriously, gals, I just saved like $93 on these annoying necessity items I normally hate shopping for so I had to share this:

REAL Women Model and it's AWESOME

Fashion Retailer Responds to Facebook Fans’ Call for “Real Women” in Photos

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On Wednesday, LOFT — a brand owned by Ann Taylor Inc. — posted pictures of a tall, blonde catalog model in the brand’s new silk cargo pants on its Facebook Page with a click-to-buy link in the captions.

Nothing about the post was uncommon — except, perhaps, Fans’ responses. While many Fans acknowledged that the pants looked good on the model, they complained that the pants were “not universally flattering” and would “look great [only] if you’re 5′10″ and a stick like the model in the photo.” The post led several women to request — politely, of course — that LOFT show the pants on “real women.”

The next day, the fashion retailer posted pictures of its own staff posing in the cargo pants. The women — drawn from different departments of LOFT’s design, styling and marketing staff — ranged from size 2 to 12, and from 5′3″ to 5′10″. Each styled the pants for a specific occasion, and explained why they liked the pants or why the pants worked well on their individual bodies.

As you can imagine, Fans were very pleased. “I sooooo appreciate you taking the time to ‘listen’ to our comments and show these pants on ‘real’ women,” one Fan wrote, while still acknowledging that the pants were ugly.

This is, in our opinion, a great example of a big company using social media to drive customer loyalty and satisfaction. And while many other large companies — like Comcast, Ford, Virgin Airlines, Starbucks and Best Buy — have also used social media to connect with their fans in smart, personable ways, we’ve rarely seen this level of engagement from a fashion company. It’s certainly a step in the right direction after the brand’s run-in with the FTC, social media-wise.

What do you think of LOFT’s response? Have you ever had a positive interaction with a big brand using social media? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments.

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Pants Modeled by a Professional Model

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Pants Modeled by LOFT Employees

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source: http://mashable.com/2010/06/18/ann-taylor-facebook/

Just FYI

No really, they had me at "DRINKING...."

It sounds too good to be true -- but for those of us who enjoy the end-of-day martini, it's rather tempting, n'est-ce pas?

The Drinking Man's Diet 

Alan Farnham 

"Did you ever hear of a diet which was fun to follow? A diet which would let you have two martinis before lunch, and a thick steak generously spread with Sauce Béarnaise, so that you could make your sale in a relaxed atmosphere and go back to the office without worrying about having gained so much as an ounce? A diet which allows you to take out your favorite girl for a dinner of squab and broccoli with hollandaise sauce and Chateau Lafitte, to be followed by an evening of rapture and champagne?" 

So starts a jaunty little pamphlet titled The Drinking Man's Diet that first appeared in 1964. It was published by an equally jaunty San Francisco bon vivant, Robert Cameron, who priced it at $1. (Cameron used noms de plume--first Gardner Jameson and Elliott Williams, later Jeffrey W. Roberts.) In two years, he sold 2.4 million copies in 13 languages. Now Cameron, 93, still jaunty, still a bon vivant and still admirably trim from following his own diet, is reissuing this classic. It can be bought for $4.95 through Amazon.com or through Cameron's own Web site (www.abovebooks.com). 

Then and now, the diet is a work of staggering brilliance. 

Robert Cameron, with glass in hand.

Like Atkins, whose own low-carb diet followed Drinking Man nine years later, Cameron proposes healthful weight loss by reducing one's intake of carbohydrates. As far as it goes, that's fine, since what Cameron's book terms "man-type" food (also "aesthetic" and "gourmet" food) is mercifully low in carbs: well-marbled steaks, thick slabs of fish, salads strewn with Roquefort. 

Then, however, he adds the animating spark of genius--a corollary that will forever lift the Drinking Man's Diet above all lesser low-carb regimens: Gin, vodka, rum, brandy, whiskies and other distilled spirits contain at most trace amounts of carbohydrate. So the low-carb adherent can drink, if he wishes, and keep on losing weight. Figuratively speaking, Drinking Man takes the South Beach diet, adds a redeeming splash of rum and pops in an umbrella. 

What makes this more enjoyable than calorie counting, "is that most of the things you like best don't have to be counted at all: steak and whisky, chicken and gin, ham, caviar, pâté de foie gras, rum and roast pheasant, veal cutlets and vodka, frogs legs and lobster claws--they all count as zero." (See sample menu.) No wonder the little pamphlet sold millions! Here was a diet Dean Martin could love. 

Columnists and commentators from Walter Winchel to Herb Caen talked up the diet. Time and Newsweek devoted stories to it. Walter Cronkite interviewed Cameron at length on TV. At the zenith of the Drinking Mancraze, funnyman Allan Sherman immortalized the diet in song. A few stanzas will suffice to give the flavor: 

With every Manhattan 
Your stomach will flatten 
If pounds you would burn off 
Then turn on your Smirnoff 

The little book's format (faithfully retained for the reissue) only added to its appeal. Unlike today's ponderous diet tomes, this was tiny--just 4 inches by 7 inches, and svelte enough to slip into a shirt pocket or purse. The whole thing ran just 50 pages. Of those, only the first 13 were text--written in a breezy, slightly goatish style that strikes the modern ear as one part Rabelais, one part Austin Powers. 

A section of testimonials, for instance, contains this one from "Daisy T., showgirl": "Believe me, it was no fun being taken out to a swell place and all you could eat was some celery and yogurt. Now I order double lamb chops." 

Or this, from "Paula P., woman-about-town": "Frankly, I like my cocktail. But I don't like to go sashaying around with rolls of fat pushing their way around the shoulder straps of my evening dresses. Now with theDrinking Man's Diet (and why not the Drinking Woman's?) I can eat three solid meals a day. And I don't wear a girdle anymore." 

The remaining pages were given over to tables that provide the carbohydrate count, in grams, of various essential foods, e.g. carrot (5), prune (5), daiquiri (6), martini (trace). 

All was going swimmingly for Cameron, when suddenly the tablecloth was yanked from under him. He was traveling, promoting the book, when his mother phoned from Des Moines in tears to say that the local paper was carrying an ominous headline: "Drinking Man's Diet 'Mass Murder,' says Harvard Nutritionist." 

Dr. Frederick Stare, who founded Harvard's School of Public Health in 1942, had decried Cameron's diet as unhealthful. Stare eventually retracted the "mass murder" part, but by then, as Cameron balefully notes today, the damage had been done. The accusatory headline had run on page 1; the subsequent retraction ran on page 28. In culinary terms, the Drinking Man's goose was cooked. 

In a way, it hardly mattered. By then, Cameron had sold $2.4 million worth of books (in 1966 dollars). To paraphrase the lyrics of another famous old song, "They can't take that away from me." 

He returned to publishing, issuing Above San Francisco, the first in what would become a series of lush coffee-table books filled with Cameron's own aerial photography. His latest title, Above Mexico City, debuts this Christmas. The series has sold, collectively, 2.5 million books. 

Cameron today can afford to do what he wants. And what he has wanted to do for some time is reissue The Drinking Man's Diet. This he now has done, making only minor tweaks. The tables, for example, have been updated, allowing for more precise measurements of carbohydrate values. 

Since 1964, innumerable dieters and drinkers have proved to their own satisfaction that the Drinking Man's Diet works. But is it good for you? 

Told that Harvard's Stare once decried the diet as "mass murder," nutritionist Lisa Young of New York University burst out laughing. Then, in a more sober vein, she went on to say that 60 grams of carbohydrate per day (the amount Cameron recommends) is too little. Likewise, she faults the diet for being too high in animal fats. 

And as for downing as many martinis as you wish? "That's crazy. You can't eat or drink as much as you want of anything--except water--and come out clean." 

To Cameron's credit, his original said as much in its conclusion: "Don't be a hog. If you gorge yourself with food, even if it is low in carbohydrates, you will get fat. If you drink too much, you will get drunk. Moderation in the pursuit of happiness is no vice." 

The reissue closes with a coda as magical and alluring today as it must have sounded 40 years ago: 

"So, drinkers of the world, throw away your defatted cottage cheese and your cabbage juice; and sit down with us to roast duck and Burgundy. You have nothing to lose but your waistlines." 

Speaking strictly for myself, allow me please to say, "Mr. Cameron, bring it on!" 

Drinking Man's Diet: Sample Menu

(With grams of carbohydrate) 

Menu planning, the Dean Martin way! 

Breakfast 

1/4 cantaloupe or 4 ounces of tomato juice (5) 
Ham or bacon, 2 slices (0) 
Egg, fried, boiled or poached (trace) 
Coffee or tea (0) 

Lunch 

Dry martini or whiskey and soda, if desired (trace) 
Broiled fish or steak or roast chicken (0) 
2 glasses dry wine, if you wish (trace) 
Green beans or asparagus (1) 
Lettuce and tomato salad with French or Roquefort dressing (4) 
Coffee or tea (0) 

Dinner 

Martinis or highballs, if you desire (trace) 
Hors d'oeuvres of 2 stalks of celery stuffed with pâté (5) 
Shrimp cocktail (4) 
Beef, pork, lamb, veal chicken or turkey (0) 
Green beans, 1 cup, brussels sprouts, 1/2 cup, or cauliflower, 1 cup (6) 
2 glasses dry wine (trace) 
1/2 avocado with French dressing (8) 
Cheese: Roquefort, Camembert, Swiss or cheddar (trace) 
Coffee or tea (0) 
Brandy (trace) 

Total grams of carbohydrate: 33 

source, with thanks to my friend Chris: http://www.forbes.com/2004/04/21/cz_af_0421feat.html