CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

An Ode to Parents

I don't have children, but I have teenagers. 

For the last few years, I've devoted much of my free time to a youth organization. A former member myself, it occurred to me one day I could give back to them. So once a week, I meet with about a doezen girls, ages 13 to 18, and on a lot of weekends, you'll find my chaperoning events or going on retreats. About once a month I try to take some of the kids from other chapters that I am close with to lunch or coffee. 

I don't have children, but I have teenagers. Whom I think I love as if they were my children. Or, at the very least, my younger siblings. 

Never, in a million years, did I think I would become so attached to these kids. 

Parents, I don't know how you do this. This whole having kids thing. 

I've spent a lot of weekends with the group but this past weekend was unique for me, though I cannot tell you why. I was just more emotional. I'm not big on crying in public but they got me. And they got me a LOT. I won't bore you with our structure and our rules and politics but just know this has been a tough year for these kids. And they were acting out as a result. It was hard to take. It was hard to control them. When I felt like I was REALLY losing it, I had to step out of the room. 

I used to have quite a temper and while I am usually pretty tolerant these days, I can still find my inner Hulk from time to time...

When they hurt or they cry, it became custom for me to cry as well. I can only imagine it is similar to how parents feel when their kids hurt. 

When they celebrated and won awards, I cried then, too. Tears of joy.  

Of course, when they did something incredibly stupid, I laughed. But only before fighting the urge to pull my hair out and flip a table New Jersey style. 

But at least I get to go home to solitude in the end. 

Like I said, parents, I don't know how you do this. This whole having kids thing. 

 

Down to Earth Dieting?

I loved these two user comments regarding Valerie Orsoni's new book, "Le Personal Coach," on Amazon.com:

"It's not just what you wear, it's how you wear it."

"A big part of looking great is feeling great."

Her program, by the way, is "#1 in France" and let's be honest, the French know how to live...

But I'm jumping all over the place here. You have no idea what I am talking about!

When a friend asked me to review this book, I quickly agreed because I seldom turn down friends, but I was pleasantly surprised by the book itself. It's not your standard, boring, textbook-ish dieting guide. What arrived was a charming, compact (176 pages with big font), heavily illustrated guide to improving your lifestyle. I enjoy its perspective, which is more acommodating of someone with an actual life, who is not just living to diet. 

For example, there is actually an exercise tip you can use ON YOUR CELL PHONE, which makes me wonder how that will play out when I get pulled over... "But officer, I was only exercising..."

But seriously, it's no pills (YES!), no GYM (Um, hello? LOVE.), 15 minute exercise routines, and a guarantee I personally approve of, NO SWEATING. 

It's a really fun, easy book and if you are into this genre (I know a lot of you are - don't lie!), you should pick it up. 

Her actual program, for the devout, might be worth a look, too, though it costs. But it's not gonna scam you like Lindora and it's not gonna annoy you like Jenny Craig. (Yeah, I'm bitter. I admit this.)

And her blog is also worth a read - it is equally charming.

All of that aside, this woman is an acclaimed personal coach, in amazing shape, and has personality to boot -- having survived a brain tumor and cancer. You go, Valerie. I hope you continue to kick ass for a long, long time. I wish you every success and happiness. 

 

A Very Happy & Healthy Birthday to Yours Truly

So I turned 32. And luckily, I was too busy, stressed out and crazed to care. Last year, I was pretty traumatized by entering my thirties. Actually turning 30 held no power over me, but somehow, 31 was like this asshole looming on the horizon.

And now I am 32. Which, really, feel no older than 31. And like I said, no feeling about it. 

But as I continue to remind you lovely, patient readers, I had a pretty scary year and I felt the need to celebrate. But not just celebrate me and my day; what I really wanted to do was celebrate my frienships. 

So I thought to myself, "I should do something to toast to our continuing good health." And to that end, I threw a supremely health conscious festivity...

For example, I provided nutritious snacks:

See? There's fruit in there. 

And I also provided beverages rife with vitamins and valuable minerals:

Not only is there DIET soda, but as you can see, a fruit AND veggie option...

And of course, a calcium-rich main course, because it does your body good:

Here's to healthy bones!

I think my friends were really grateful for a new spin on Saturday night partying. 

Quote of the Day

"It's sad when your stalker dies."

So true. 

Summer Boozing

Summer cocktails, anyone?

I asked my friends at Baddish to send me some refreshing summer drink recipes and they quickly obliged. I hope you enjoy - particularly the mojito float, one of my favorites:

Zaya Raspberry Mojito Float
6 fresh raspberries, plus 1 extra
3 fresh mint leaves, plus sprig for garnish
1 ounce Zaya rum
1/2 ounce simple syrup
1 teaspoon lime juice
3 ounces prosecco
scoop lime sherbet or sorbet

Muddle six raspberries, 3 mint leaves, rum, simple syrup and lime juice in a cocktail mixing glass. Strain the contents into a small flute. 

Top with the prosecco and add the lime sherbet or sorbet. 

Thread the mint sprig through the raspberry to make a garnish and serve right away.  

Skinny Margarita
2 oz Casa Noble Crystal
1 oz fresh lime juice (or the juice of 1 whole lime)
1/4 oz La Sierra agave nectar (or other organic agave nectar)

Method: Combine all ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake, strain and serve up or on the rocks. Garnish with a lime wheel. 

Triple Berry Margarita on the Rocks (makes 4 servings)

 1 pkg. 6 oz) Driscoll's Blackberries
 1 pkg. (6 oz) Driscoll's Raspberries
 1 pkg. (16 oz) Driscoll's Strawberries, hulled and sliced
 1/4 cup sugar, or to taste
 6 oz. tequila
 2 oz. triple sec
 4 oz. freshly squeezed lime juice
 1 wedge fresh lime

Purée berries in blender until smooth.  Strain puréed berries through sieve into pitcher to remove seeds. A Chinois or a Colander may also be used.  Add sugar, to taste, into pitcher. Add tequila, triple sec and lime juice into pitcher; stir. 

Prepare four glasses by rubbing rims with a wedge of lime and dip in salt. Add ice to glasses. 
 
Pour margarita mixture into four glasses and garnish with berries, as desired. 


     

Chambord Lemonade
1 ½ oz Finlandia® Vodka
½ oz Chambord Liqueur
3 oz Lemonade

Method: Shake all ingredients with ice and pour into rocks glass. Garnish with a lemon wedge.




Zarzamora Real (Royal Blackberry)
10 rosemary needles
3 Driscoll's Blackberries, plus 1 for garnish
1/2 oz. natural sour mi
2 oz. tequila, Casa Noble
2 oz. brut champagne or sparkling wine

Muddle the rosemary and berries well in a cocktail shaker glass. Add the sour mix, tequila and ice. Shake until well-chilled. Strain into a small champagne flute. Top with brut champagne or sparkling wine. Garnish with the remaining blackberry. 

Weeeeeeee!

Last night, I went to this event: http://www.goldstar.com/events/los-angeles-ca/the-merry-wives-of-windsor-reading.html. It was AMAZING. 

Let me tell you who was in it: Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson, Christina Applegate, Kenneth Branagh, Faith Hill, Eric Idle, Eugene Levy, Tim McGraw, William Shatner, Martin Short, Tracey Ullman, Reba McEntire, and Sara and Sean Watkins of Nickel Creek.

Doing. Shakespeare. 

I've now seen Kenneth Branagh perform Shakespeare live -- it just won't get much better than that for me. He was, of course, the star performer of this read; a Shakespearian natural. Hanks was charming, if not goofy, and adorable. Rita Wilson was clearly super excited all night to be there and her energy was contagious. Shatner as Fallstaff was the best casting... Everyone was outstanding in this and what a bonus to get to hear Reba McIntire sing... 

GREAT night. Seriously. 

"Why, then the world 's mine oyster" - Act II, Scene II).

A milestone is upon me this weekend. I have free time. FREE. TIME. Seriously, my Sunday is empty and I am DYING for it to arrive. I plan to spend the day in my jammies, on the couch, watching TV, eating garbage. Don't believe me? Check out my calendar for that day:

That says "JAMMIES AND CRAP" in case you can't blow it up to read it.I take my downtime very seriously.

Last weekend, speaking of milestones, I turned 32. I did not have time to be depressed about it, like I was with 31. Instead, I threw a party. Because there were a few instances during 31 in which I was not confident I'd survive to 32 and shit, it warranted a party. 

But more on that later, kiddies. 

Hope everyone's week is off to a good start. May you all have milestone weekends in your futures. 

Dear JLo & Marc...

Not gonna lie - this new line may be a guilty pleasure. Please give me plus sizing. It's fab.

It's a MAGIC BULLET Contest! (No, not THAT Magic Bullet... Ew.)

Admittedly, one of my FAVORITE inventions EVER. So I may give this a whirl for shits n' giggles...

 

THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE NAMED THE MAGIC BULLET KITCHEN MAGICIAN?

Enter the Magic Bullet Kitchen Magician Video Recipe Contest for a Chance to Star in an Online Infomercial and win $10,000 

NEW YORK, May 5, 2011 – Magic Bullet proudly announces the first annual Magic Bullet Kitchen Magician video recipe contest. For the next month, Facebook fans of Magic Bullet can submit an original video of themselves making their most creative recipe with the Magic Bullet for a chance to be named the Kitchen Magician, star in a Magic Bullet online infomercial and win $10,000! While only one person will win, everyone who enters the contest receives 20% off a Magic Bullet product. For more information or to enter the Magic Bullet Kitchen Magician video recipe contest, visit www.KitchenMagician.com.

The contest, which consists of three phases, begins with a month long open entry period where people can submit a video showing off their unique personality and Magic Bullet skills. During the entry period the public can vote for their favorite video, and those votes will dictate which entrants continue on to the second phase.

On June 2, 2011phase two begins after Magic Bullet announces the 10 Semi-Finalists. Once again Magic Bullet will turn to the voting public and for five days ask Facebook fans to vote for their favorite video. As a reward for voting, all voters will be entered into a daily sweepstakes to win a brand new Magic Bullet System. 

The competition really begins June 7, 2011 when Magic Bullet announces the three Finalists. All three Finalists will be flown to Los Angeles, CA where they will make their Magic Bullet recipe and shoot an online Magic Bullet infomercial in front of our panel of judges. The Finalist with the most original, best tasting recipe and most entertaining performance in the infomercial will be named the Magic Bullet Kitchen Magicianand take home the $10,000. Finalists must be available to shoot in LA between June 14, 2011 and June 17, 2011.

Remembering a Friend

I still find my thoughts drifting to a friend I lost recently - in February. She also happened to be my boss; my first champion in my industry. Admittedly, ours was not a perfect relationship all of the time, but ultimately, I found her to be a gentle, nice, compassionate person who always treated me with respect and encouragement, despite any resistance I threw at her. 

I guess we always have thoughts like these after someone is gone: I wish I'd been nicer, I wish I'd tried harder, I wish I'd communicated more... There is never anything we can do about that, but we do it to ourselves anyway.

Just weeks before she passed, she left the company. She wrote me a GLOWING letter of recommendation to take with me on my job hunt and in kind, I wrote one for her. I am glad she got to see it, because I really meant every word, but I am sad she never got to use it. So as I was thinking of her last night when a TV commercial reminded me of her, I thought I would share it with you (please pardon a bit of editing just to maintain a modicum of anonymity):

This letter is my personal recommendation for ________ to whom I directly reported to for over four years (she recently left ________ where she was a Senior Vice President). First as her assistant and then as the department coordinator, I always found ________ to be consistently great to work for, tackling all assignments with dedication, ingenuity and a smile.

Besides being a pleasure to work for, ________ is a take-charge, capable manager who is able to present creative ideas and communicate the benefits. She successfully helmed several projects for our company such as ________ and receptions; ________ events; our very first internal, online newspaper; and public affairs initiatives. During her tenure, we saw an increase in exposure that exceeded anyone’s expectations. It helped drive us to consistently rank in the Top 10.

In addition to being well respected as our Senior VP, she was well liked throughout the company, known for her good heart and being easy to get along with. I found myself very impressed with her willingness to adapt to a variety of personalities and situations. She never shied away from challenges and never missed a deadline.

She also devotes much of her time to non-profit work outside of the office. This is a testimony to just how passionate she is about things she believes in. After putting in countless hours at the office week after week, she would never slow down if someone else was in need.

I know that ________ will be an asset to any communications team. I have not only benefitted from working with her here, but also from her vast experiences in this industry. I miss being on her team but I hope our paths will cross again. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact….

 

 

Quote of the Weekend

It went a little something like this:

"You know, all we ate today was burritos. You had a wrap for lunch, which is basically a burrito. And we had breafast burritos. And then burriro burritos. So all we ate today was burritos. Except for the kettle corn. And the ice cream. But everything else? Burrito. All burritos."

And soon after:

"Do you think when we get back to the room, we can just shower and crash? Because I am, like, SO tired. And all I want to do is crash. In fact, I hope we get there first so we just crash and be crashed before everyone else gets back to crash."

This was the best bus ride EVER. 

And, then, finally:

"Why are we the only ones talking?"

I love you, burrito girls. So much.