CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Site Updates

Hey! Look up there! I have a new menu!

I know, I know, you are BURSTING with excitement. And I don't blame you. 

My "33 in 2012" will live up there permanently and I will edit it as I go. I did not want to keep inundating you with posts about it. This is easier. And FYI, I did just update it. So, you know, GO LOOK. 

Also up there is my Quotes section (QOTDs) because that is one of my favorite things. 

And now I have advertising and PR info. available. The FAQ is in progress. 

Very exciting, right? 

 

They're on a Boat....

Could someone please tell me why they had American Idol auditions on a boat?

You see, the football cut into my tivo'd Idol episode. I think I missed some pivotal moments. 

I did not, however, miss this epic fail from Steven Tyler:

 

Dear lord. 

Nor did I miss Jim Carrey's daughter auditioning:

 

You have to laugh. In one breath she's saying how hard it is to find her identity; to step out from behind her father's overwhelming shadow. And in the next moment, she's calling him on camera to say she's going to Hollywood after a so-so audition. 

 

What Am I Doing?

I'll tell you first what I am not doing: sleeping!

Omigod, last night was the WORST! I went to bed early (well for me it was early) and just laid there. I woke up twice in the night to use the bathroom and I woke up before my alarm this morning. The only saving grace was the sound of the rain. I love laying in bed, over-bundled-up, listening to the rain. It makes me want to stay in bed ALL DAY.

I am not drinking more water as I should be. As such, a kidney infection I've had since December is still nagging me and making my back ache. This is my fault. All me. But I am not enjoying it and plan to whine about it anyway. 

But it is Monday and after a weekend full of sports (hockey game Saturday night, football yesterday), I am back at my desk. Still loving my new job. Yesterday afternoon, I started to get really excited there was work today, in fact. I am giddy with new-job-love.

I am reading more. I just finished a novel (see image) and I am in the middle of two books right now, a feat I do not recommend, but enjoying both.  

I am obsessed with Pinterest and think you should be, too. I am NOT obsessed with its Euro-rip-off, Pinspire, and warn you to avoid the copycat. 

Despite Steven Tyler creeping me out, I am enjoying American Idol. I love the auditions. I hope Fox will cut the AI results show like they did with So You Think You Can Dance. No one wants to sit through an hour of dribble for three minutes of information. 

I am sad that one of my all-time favorite baseball players is retiring. But it is time. He has nothing to be ashamed of in his 17-year career. Jorge Posada trails only Bill Dickey and Yogi Berra for games caught as a Yankee, is 7th on NY's all-time list for doubles and walks, 8th in homers and 11th in RBIs. He is a 5-time All-Star and 5-time AL Silver Slugger Award recipient. Not bad for a catcher who started as a second-baseman. Also worth checking out - the Jorge Posada Foundation, set up in honor of Posada's son, who suffers from Craniosynostosis.

The "33 in 2012" mission continues. I keep that list in the back of my mind at all times now and love it like a friend. It's keeping me upbeat and inspired. 

I am worried for my all-time favorite soap opera, General Hospital. Talk about loving like a friend -- this is a show I've watched since about age five. And with Katie Couric's talk show gaining momentum, I am worried for its fate. I am worried for the Soap genre. I love its escapism and its loyal fans and the characters, new and old. (Yes, yes, I spend time worrying about this.)

I am excited for the Oscar nominations tomorrow. I've seen a lot more movies in the last year than I have in years prior and was thinking I might have to resurrect my Academy Awards viewing party. I watched Moneyball and Midnight in Paris over the weekend. LOVED Moneyball, liked Midnight in Paris. LOVED Brad Pitt, forced myself not to be too annoyed by Owen Wilson. 

I am shopping online for jeans. I currently only own one pair. How did this happen? Most women I know own a ton of them but I've just never been a jeans-lover. That said, the new job is a casual office and in my former work-clothes, I will be too dressed up. Wondering if I can write off new jeans as a work expense..

I am considering having Indian food for lunch even though I had it like 5 days ago. The little Indian place by my office is STELLAR and they have a rockin' lunch special. 

I am wishing you all a FABULOUS week! 

Is Dave Koz having better sax than Kenny G?

Kenny G and his wife of 20 years have seperated. Lovesick sax-lovers everywhere are weeping with sappy, sappy sentiment, draped in black, deep in mourning. 

 

How do you leave a guy with such FABULOUS ringlets of curls?! I just don't know. 

As I tweeted a moment ago, it must have been the bad sax... 

I REALLY hope she left him for Dave Koz.

And personally, I prefer Dave Koz. He gave my favorite soap, General Hospital, it's saxy theme:

  

More Drinking Chronicles from @TheFederalBar

I don't know when this turned into a drinking blog (I'm certainly no Caroline), but what can I  say -- I've had some mighty fine beverages lately and I feel compelled to share. 

Tonight's North Hollywood delight was The Federal Bar's "Mojo Mojito" made with love by its creator, bartender Sean. 

 

 

Just your standard everyday mojito. But with cucumber. And pineapple. And a dash of jalapeno. 

I know, I know. JALAPENO?! 

I don't even like cucumber but this was just delicious. The jalapeno gave it just a subtle kick - it wasn't spicy. It was refreshing. Highly recommend. 

You're all going to start planning my intervention soon, aren't you? Don't worry, my Diet Pepsi addiction is still the bigger concern. 

 

P.S. (Our waitress, Yvonne, was a doll and looked a litte but like Mila Kunis. I'm straight as an arrow but I might have a little girl-crush on her.) 

When Does Ryan Seacrest Sleep? Maybe During the Bad @AmericanIdol Auditions?...

Per various news sources, Ryan Seacrest's media conglomerate is teaming up with AEG (Anschutz Entertainment Group) and Mark Cuban to rebrand Cuban's HDNet as AXS TV (pronounced "Access"). 

Ryan Seacrest: E! host, reality TV producer, morning radio host, top 40 radio host, American Idol host...

It is a daily struggle for me. I wanna like the guy. But the Kardashians are kind of his fault. 

But you can bet your sweet arse I was tuned into the premiere of "American Idol" last night. I love me some bad, bad auditions. 

But where the eff were they?! How am I supposed to feel better about myself at the cost of others' humility if not for the epic audition fails? (It's called schadenfreude, people. Live it.) 

I did like the new spin at the top; the "where were you when" montage. I cannot believe Idol is 11 years old! Kelly Clarkson is approaching 30! I mean, this isn't the Kennedy assassination - I have no idea where I was when Kelly Clarkson won, but I know I watched it. I remember my inexplicable fascination with Justin Guarini's hair (but not his voice - I thought he was overrated)... 

So last night's other highlights for me included the very first auditioner - a fantastic singer, age 17, who looked about age 12, and sang like a young Michael Jackson. First audition, first through to Hollywood. 

Seriously, I cannot believe he is 17. I want a birth certificate. 

The poor, unfortunate student who came from Africa to audition in Savannah. And sang like William Hung. Henceforth, he shall be known as Afro-Hung. 

I was going to spare you a clip but I just couldn't resist. You may post all of your gratitude below in the comments section. You're welcome in advance.

Ashlee Altise, who walked in looking pretty ghetto, down to her mismatched open-toe ankle boots (I'm sure it was intentional but she looked ridiculous). She was one of those stories where you knew they'd build it all up and then she's sing like crap... Except she was good! You just know she's gonna end up in the top 20 so I'll have to keep judging her ghetto fashion choices. 

Dear lord, I hope they do something with her hair.

Seemed like everyone was the MOST over the moon over the final audition of the episode, Phillip Phillips (yes, real name) but I didn't get it. I thought he was good and sort of adorable, but I didn't feel the same exuberance my twitter feed was busting with. Maybe it will come to me later...? 

 

THIS.  {{prolonged awkward pause}}  Is American Idol. 

I'm Gonna Need Some Cheese For my Whine

And now, my friends, some rather poignant and touching love notes.

 

 

Oh dear, I'm sorry - did I say "love notes?" I meant IRATE AND SARCASTIC LETTERS. 

 

Dear travelers of the world,

THAT. IS NOT. CARRY ON LUGGAGE. I just piad $25 to check mine, you can pay to check yours. You can't even lift that shit up to the overhead compartment! Who are you trying to fool? 

P.S. (Virgin America heard my cries and totally gave me a $25 credit. They win.)

 

Dear Angelina Jolie,

The only people who should be wearing white satin are knights (get it?) - and there is absolutely no one who should have arms as skinny as yours. You have, like, 35 kids. How do you lift them without fracturing your scapula? 

P.S. (Even with a cane, your husband is totally hot.)

 

Dear Ricky Gervais,

You wimp. WTF? 

 

Dear MY BLADDER,

OMG, when did I turn into a 90 year old? I think I have peed 18 times today. And let's be honest, I don't give you that much to work with. My office-mates and I would very much appreciate a reprieve. I am tired of getting up every 30 minutes. I suspect a plot against us is in the works so let's get it together. 

 

Dear San Francisco,

I miss you. And you have made me miss New York. And subsequently, my best friend in New York. What city would you recommend I visit next? 

 

Dear Uggie, 

You are the most adorable dog in the history of dog-dome. I absolutely LOVED The Artist but you just stole the show. I am rushing home tonight to watch your tricks on today's Ellen via my Tivo.

I wish there was an Academy Award for animal appearances. I suspect we would very much enjoy your speech.

End Piracy, Not Literacy

Tell Congress: Don’t censor the Web

Fighting online piracy is important. The most effective way to shut down pirate websites is through targeted legislation that cuts off their funding. There’s no need to make American social networks, blogs and search engines censor the Internet or undermine the existing laws that have enabled the Web to thrive, creating millions of U.S. jobs.

Too much is at stake – please vote NO on PIPA and SOPA.

Please sign the petition!

Still confused? Here is a video that will help:

 

 

And here are some of the major sites participating in today's blackout:

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• 

Back from the North and Finalizing the List of 33

Greetings! I am refreshed and renewed! I started my new job today and have returned from a FABULOUS trip to San Francisco. We ate, we shopped, we drank, we walked, we shivered (cause dear lord was it COLD) and we had SO. MUCH. FUN.

We three at Golden Gate Park

 

I have finished coming up with my 33 things to do in 2012. Thank you to the friends and readers who contributed. I am SO excited about tackling this! 

New items are indicated in purple. Completed items are highlighted.

1. Go to San Francisco. 
2. Read at least one book a month, if not more. (I completed my book for January. Now reading TWO books at once. I guess I got overly ambitious?)
3. Watch Gone With the Wind - I've never seen it! Always wanted to. (Some friends saw this and we are going to organize a movie night. I'm so excited!)
4. Clean OUT this apartment. Good lord, I have WAY too much stuff. 
5. Try this arts n' crafts project. And maybe also this one. I think it's super cool. 
6. Finish my book (I started writing a book in 2011 - it's true!) 
7. Go to high tea with girlfriends. Wear beautiful and/or ridiculous hats. 
8. Go camping. (A cabin in the woods counts.)
9. Go to Vegas. Again. 
10. Bake a pie (I love to bake but I've never successfully made a pie and I LOVE pie!) 
11. Finish watching every episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation," in order (I left off in the middle of season 4 in 2011.) Don't judge me. I get to have nerdy goals. 
12. Wear my glasses more often (like I'm supposed to) (So far, I have been!)
13. Go to a baseball game. Eat something totally unhealthy. Shout at the umpires for being assholes. 
14. Spend a day at the spa (Because I totally deserve it!)
15. Drink more water (OMG, I am failing miserably at this.)
16. Attend more than one hockey game. (Going to one on Jan. 21. In a VIP suite. Because I am legit, kiddos.)
17. Go to LACMA. And The Getty for that matter. I've lived in Los Angeles for most of my life and have never been to either. Ridiculous. 
18. Host a dinner party. Actually cook some of the food! 
19. Go to the movies more. Do not wait for others to invite you. Go alone.
20. Talk Less. Listen more. (This is rather vague. I will find a way to better explain.)
21. Try five foods I've always hated but haven't actually tried in years. Three more to go.
22. Learn to make a crepe. 
23. Take a cooking class with friends. 
24. Paint a wall in my bedroom. Probably this color or something similar.
25. Attend a Sunday service at a Baptist church. No, I am not kidding! 
26. Get rid of my ugly blue chair (in my apartment). This is more of a chore than you'd think because the chair is HEAVY. 
27. Send more postcards/cards/flowers/notes for no reason other than to make the recipient smile. 
28. Attend a taping of ELLEN. 
29. Shoot a gun (Oh Meghan.... I know you're up for this!)
30. Ride/Use a Segway
31. Get over 300 fans for my blog on Facebook (Hey, look! Something YOU can help with!)
32. Check out the Grammy Museum. Someone was just telling me how cool it is - I was sold. 
33. Restaurants! Do you know I keep a HUGE list of places I want to try, both in Los Angeles and out? I am going to narrow it down to the top five. TBD. 

 

 

OMG! I have 33 goals for 2012! What am I - crazy?! 

Epic Updates on the 33 in 2012

Greetings from SAN FRANCISCO! I am so excited to be here with two great friends. We talked about this trip forEVER and booked it so very long ago, I can hardly believe I am here. 

"Everywhere you look...." We will not rest until we get our picture taken in front of the famous Full House home!

Which brings me to updating my "33 in 2012" list. New items are indicated in purple. Completed items are now highlighted. 

1. Go to San Francisco.
2. Read at least one book a month, if not more. (I completed my book for January. Now reading TWO books at once. I guess I got overly ambitious?)
3. Watch Gone With the Wind - I've never seen it! Always wanted to. (Some friends saw this and we are going to organize a movie night. I'm so excited!)
4. Clean OUT this apartment. Good lord, I have WAY too much stuff. 
5. Try this arts n' crafts project. And maybe also this one. I think it's super cool. 
6. Finish my book (I started writing a book in 2011 - it's true!) 
7. Go to high tea with girlfriends. Wear beautiful and/or ridiculous hats. 
8. Go camping. (A cabin in the woods counts.)
9. Go to Vegas. Again. 
10. Bake a pie (I love to bake but I've never successfully made a pie and I LOVE pie!) 
11. Finish watching every episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation," in order (I left off in the middle of season 4 in 2011.) Don't judge me. I get to have nerdy goals. 
12. Wear my glasses more often (like I'm supposed to) (So far, I have been!)
13. Go to a baseball game. Eat something totally unhealthy. Shout at the umpires for being assholes. 
14. Spend a day at the spa (Because I totally deserve it!)
15. Drink more water (This is the only New Years resolution I originally made -- well, other than abolishing the world of the Kardashians.)
16. Attend more than one hockey game. (Going to one on Jan. 21. In a VIP suite. Because I am legit, kiddos.)
17. Go to LACMA. And The Getty for that matter. I've lived in Los Angeles for most of my life and have never been to either. Ridiculous. 
18. Host a dinner party. Actually cook some of the food! 
19. Go to the movies more. Do not wait for others to invite you. Go alone. (Did this twice this week. Still plan to do it more. I loved it.)
20. Talk Less. Listen more. (This is rather vague. I will find a way to better explain.)
21. Try five foods I've always hated but haven't actually tried in years. (Thanks,Meg!) Well, I surely ate spinach last week. Four more to go. 
22. Learn to make a crepe. 
23. Take a cooking class with friends. 
24. Paint a wall in my bedroom. Probably this color or something similar.
25. ???