CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Hooked on a Feeling

I just got home from karate class and I gotta say, I feel rather marvelous. My mind is clear and though my body aches a bit (and will probably hurt more tomorrow), I feel sort of tingly and pretty alive.

I woke up last night, about 2am, experiencing a horrible panic attack. I was sweating and nervous... I'd almost say I was scared, though I am not sure of what. My mind was racing and my eyes were just WIDE open and for the life of me, I could not imagine going back to sleep. Just thoughts of all these things stressing me out were racing through my head.

My thesis. Well, it's due in a week. I am not really near done but I know that if history is any indication, I will put it off to the last minute and somehow manage a good grade. I worry about it a little here and there but really, not as much as I should be worrying, I guess.

My finances. I always worry about this. Even when I am at my most calm, somewhere in the back of my mind, I am worrying about my wretched financial situation. But it can't get worse and right now, at this precise moment anyway, I am worrying less about that and more about what's going to happen on the show I am watching. :)

My job. Well, the work is good, the boss still has her good days and bad, and I am going nowhere. It's ridiculous. I would say it is unreasonable for me to want a promotion before my two year mark but I know that I am already doing the higher-up job and not being paid the higher-up salary. And when I think I am getting close? The rug gets pulled out.

My diet. Well, it goes without saying-- this could be better. But I am loaded up on leftover chicken from my weekend (I threw a bridal shower) so I will, at least, eat a healthy lunch each day this week. I'm aiming for it.

Not a whole lot else to say, I suppose. Just feeling so good post-class, I wanted to say hello.

Don't laugh at me, but...

So when I used to work at the law firm (I was an office manager there for 4 years), I would drive home, same route, EVERY day, 5 days a week, for FOUR YEARS. And more often than not, at a certain red light, I would find myself stopped across the street from a karate studio. And for a time, I would find myself looking up martial arts online and researching it and how much it would cost and so on and so forth...

But really, I didn't think at all I could do it because of my size and my strength - lack of it anyway- and really decided it was not in the cards for me.

At my new office (new? Been there for a year and a half already!), there are a couple people who are heavy into karate. One of our directors teaches a couple evenings a week and is a black belt and a VP is a 2nd degree brown belt. And long story short, I was pursuaded to just come watch a class to see what I thought of it. Nobody knew I'd secretly wanted to do this for years.

Nathalie, who is pretty much my closest friend at work, is 69 years old. She is a bit taller than I am (I am 5'7") and she is a big lady. What's more, she is boxy whereas I am curvy. So when she revealed to me that she'd already taken two private karate lessons, I realized I was being closed-minded about it and threw in the towel.

So after watching a lesson on Monday, there I was tonight, in my favorite green yoga pants, all full of nerves, taking my first private lesson. And I am sure you will all NOT be surprised to know I fucking loved it. What's more? I'm GOOD at it. I mean, I picked it up quickly and the instructor said he could immediately tell I would be good at it. He was excited. And so in addition to a discount for knowing current students, he knocked a little more off the price to make it easier for me to join up.

I'm ambitious on this one, kids. Two group classes a week, 1 private lesson a week. I'm kicking it into high gear on this folks. I really don't take on things like this for myself at ALL and so I'm gonna jump off the cliff to see if I can fly.  Always wanted to take a cooking class, shot that down because really, I can barely scramble an egg. Wanted to learn a new language (or two) but who has time? I always have an excuse and so I feel especially rewarded and proud to have taken this on, despite trepidation, and just said "fuck it."

Go me. Hell yeah.

Booty Jello

Oh right- like I think a cream is gonna solve my problems...

And like that photo isn't photoshopped anyway? I wish my cellulite looked this pretty...

If it were just that... pattern-happy, I would walk around bottomless just to show off my tush.

Cellulite is U G L Y, last time I looked.

Ads like this piss me off. I wish I had something more substantial and profound to offer you but I've been deprived of Diet Pepsi today and I feel less whole.

Um.... NO.