CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

I've been pinned!

My Jenny counselor, Angela the Angel, gave me her Harry Potter pin. I attached it to my lanyard (is that what you call it? I wear my office badge on it) and it now serves as a reminder that it's time to GET SERIOUS and STOP EATING CRAP. I shall wear it every day and let it make me feel guilty that she would not let me reimburse her for how much at cost her and therefore, the pin will act as a symbol. Every time I think about Doritos or french fries or regular soda, I will look down at my boobs (you can't miss 'me) and see my shiny pin screaming out "NO! SHE GAVE YOU THIS PIN! YOU FEEL GUILTY! NOW PUT THE JUNK FOOD DOWN!!!"

Of course, I may be taking this to an extreme.

My point is just that, again, Angela is an angel and I am so lucky to have her. :)

A New Point of View?

Today I lost a pound and a half and I was simply stunned. And in this situation, when I've been eating nothing but shit, it would be easy to think "wow, I can eat crap and still lose weight?"

No.

I walked into Jenny for the first meeting of 2008 with vigor and passion. I made vows to walk more, eat less, eat out less, dance more and so on. I stepped onto the scale prepared to gain as much as 5 or 6 pounds and was elated, if not shocked, to have lost at all.

And so instead, in my ambitious state of mind, I choose to think "if I can lose a pound and a half eating crap, imagine what I'd be capable of on a healthy diet with some exercise."

It's just how you look at it, right?

I had a supremely lousy day, actually. Work was draining and I didn't sleep well last night which makes me a grouchy girl. But I'm home, I'm comfortable on the couch, the dog is sleeping in a little cave he carved out for himself in the blanket, and I feel peaceful. And so I won't think about my shit day anymore. I look forward to a new day, new goals...

But if someone could call my office and let them know not to mess with my Thursday, that'd be swell.

*wink*

The results are in. But they aren't pretty.

I guess I can't be surprised that I gained 4 pounds at weigh-in today.

I really stacked the odds against me, in fact. My boss is out of town so I wore jeans today. I couldn't make my 2:25 appointment so I went at 6:30. So whereas I usually have a virtually empty stomach at weigh-in, I had lunch and my afternoon snack in me. Oh, and also, it is currently my - as Meg says - "lady times."

Oh yeah, and lest we forget I have been the human garbage compactor this week.

Lesson learned? Only time will tell. We now resume your regularly scheduled diet...

Results!

Wow.

Well, I am down another pound and a half!

YAY ME!!!

                               

Nerves

Tomorrow: weigh in.

Stress and nervousness ensue.

*grinds teeth*

Wish me luck!

My Jenny Log

I thought I would show you the log I keep for Jenny. I am not great about it. Sometimes I do it on an Excel sheet and sometimes I don't do it at all. But this week I was pretty good about writing everything down.

It ocurrs to me now I may have left off 2 things but I already weighed in this morning and so it won't matter. But this is just so YOU can see what I do. If you click on the image, it will link you to a full-size.

Angela the Angel

You know, I don't know if I am special or if this is common, but I got a card in the mail from my Jenny counselor yesterday and I think that's just AWESOME.

How adorable is she???

Jenny Saves

Guess who lost 4.5 pounds this week?

HINT: She is writing this blog.

HOORAY!

What does anyone know about Vitamin Water? I'd never had ot before but someone ay work offered me one so I gave it a shot. I mean, it's all the rage and I am nothing if not a trend LOVER. But it's the "power-C" pink one with dragonfruit. It was given to me fresh out of the office "arctic fridge" and it's delicious! It's icey cold deliciousness! Who knew? I thought I'd tried this stuff before but maybe it was a different flavor. This shit could be my new crack. But if it's bad for me, I'm chalking it up to a celebratory beverage and never touching them again.

The other good news is Jenny's new snack item, the apple crisp. I can't wait to try it because it looks just sensational and I love apple flavored anything. Behold its glory and revel in its beauty:

                                  

I know - I'm a nutcase.

Speaking of apples, I have to bake an apple cobbler for my meeting tommorrow night. How does one bake something so delicious without licking the spoon? This shall be a challenge for me, my friends.

Evil Money

I find myself in a sticky situation.

My financial situation has become quite grim. I have to make some sacrifices. I think, unfortunately, one of those sacrifices is going to have to be my Jenny Craig food. Or at least far less of it. It's costing me about $75-$100 a week right now and that's not including the produce and dairy I have to buy in addition almost every week to fill in the spots that the Jenny food doesn't cover.

This scares me. I've become quite dependent on and used to the JC meals. But actually, I know that this day is not going to be avoided forever. Truth be told, it's important for me to be able to eat normal food in my normal life (normal? LOL) and have a regular eating habit.

It just worries me because now it will be even easier to go off program.

So I am going to discuss it with Angela, the wonder-counselor, and hopefully we can put our heads together and come up with something I can handle. Maybe if I ween off of it?

But yeah... those recipes you all have been sending me? Keep 'em coming.

I just keep reciting the mantra. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

Amen!

Ain't No Cure For The Summertime Foods

I took control of my Jenny Craig experience today.

I've felt rather unmotivated as of late. My rapid loss has slowed, if not froze, and of course that's discouraging. Clearly, I have no one to blame for this but myself but that doesn't bring me any comfort. It's a really horrible cycle that I don't know how to explain. You see, you wanna lose the weight, you wanna look good and feel better, but you also want the taquitos at Senor Fred's! You wanna see that number go down every week when you step on the scale, but you also want to sit and do nothing instead of exercise. And it sounds like an easy choice but it just isn't.

Do my friends support me? Check. They are amazing.

Does my family have my back? Absolutely.

Is work a challenge? No. It's the easiest place for me to be.

So what makes me fuck it up? Will I ever understand?

Today I took a step in the right direction, I think. I went to Jenny Craig today for my weekly appointment and my usual counselor, Deniece, wasn't in so I had to meet with a sub, Angela. But I just LOVED Angela. I was pleasantly surprised. She's closer to my age, she's going through the process herself, she's got a similar lifestlye to mine and she just sat there and talked with me for as long as I needed. She was amazing. She was motivating. She was hilarious! I instantly loved her! And I didn't care anymore that I might hurt Deniece's feelings. When it came time to make my appointment for next week's check-in, I asked to be switched to Angela's client roster. And that was that. I have some guilt about it because I like Deniece, but she put the nail in her own coffin when I found out there were some books and CDs I was supposed to receive when I signed up and never got. WHat is up with that, right?

So now, with my confidence rebuilding, my counselor reinvigorating me, and my stack of motivational CDs and helpful text books, I feel like I can take it on again. I hope, I hope, I hope.