CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

No, really - @StopHiccupsNow! This is a real blog entry!

Coming down with a case of the hiccups can be one of life's biggest annoyances and I come down with the hiccups often. I think there was a month in college where I pretty much hiccuped ALL. MONTH. I’ve even asked my doctor how to stop them.

So some people have told me to suck on a sugar cube and some people wanna scare the shit ouf of you – nothing works for me. Once I get them, it’s a chronic nuisance.

And of all the random pitches sent to my inbox since I’ve had this blog, none got my attention as quickly as the one for Hicural, an over-the-counter effective hiccup cure.

Of course, once I got the item in my hands, I only had to wait for the hiccups to come! And then, of course, they didn’t. For two weeks. For three weeks. I was so annoyed! Surely the cure was not just to POSESS the Hicural. Of all the times for them to NOT hit me… Ridiculous.

Mind you, I could have given one of YOU the Hicural, but come on. Giveaways have never been a hit on here and frankly, I wanted this.

The research: Hicural is a simple tool made from a polypropylene compound, providing relief in just a few seconds. Simply place the tool in your mouth, bite down, enjoy a nice glass of water and voila! Your hiccups are going, going, GONE! Having even been addressed by health expert Dr. Oz and other television personalities such as Kelly Ripa, hiccups are anything but uncommon; but just because they're a common occurrence doesn’t mean you have to deal with them! 

And then this morning, a miracle – I got the hiccups (well normally, this is like an every day occurrence for me, but like I said - it’s now been three weeks since I got the Hicural and BAM! Nothing). And I put the gizmo in my mouth and despite feeling like a moron, IT WORKED.

No joking, people. It worked. I’m not saying it wasn’t all in my head but DO I CARE? NO. Because I cured my hiccups. And I’m telling you, this has never happened before.

The Hicural now lives in my purse. 

And they lived happily ever after. 

The Blog of the Quest

Last week, a nurse tried to take my blood. Just a routine bit. I tried to tell her the best place to stick me is on the outside of my left arm... She poked quite a bit and had no luck.

She couldn't even find a viable vein on my right arm. And so it had to be the hand.

Which, by the way, HURTS. Like, a LOT.

A couple bruises later, I stood up and promptly... FAINTED.

When I woke up, she was very apologetic. I looked over at the tubes and asked if she'd even gotten enough blood... and she assured me she had.

So imagine my annoyance when they called me a couple days later to tell me they needed more.

And so Saturday, I got up EARLY and my mom met me at a lab right when they were supposed to be open according to the print-out I had been given...

Alas, they were not only closed, but it turns out they had not been open on Saturdays in two years. So we panned down the list for other labs supposedly open on Saturdays and drove a little more to the next stop.

But they had a two hour wait.

{le sigh}

Now I don't like needles but by this point, I was ready to stick one in my arm and hand the blood over happily.

So big, gigantic thanks to Nurse Tomiko at the Quest Lab who, this morning, did the bloodwork in mere minutes and it didn't even hurt. One tiny bruise. No tears.

Tomiko of Quest NoHo, you are my new angel.

Grossness

So it's not been a secret here that I suck at drinking water. I don't know why that is -- it clearly doesn't taste bad. In fact, most of the time, when served ice cold, I find it delicious and refreshing. And it inevitable makes me feel better.

But my body seems to crave Diet Pepsi and such like crazy. This is my own fault -- I put that shit into my body for a long time. Why not water?

I could argue this back and forth all day. You see where it's going.

Point is, I need to hydrate.

My skin and hair are suffering for it now. It's unpleasant. And tonight, the latest ickiness - bleeding gums. Make no mistake - I brush my teeth enough (if not more) and take pretty good care of my mouth. So I googled this-n-that and read in one place that a little bleeding in my gums could be a symptom of dehydration.

Well that's just swell.

Anyway, the last few days - and especially since I spent this past weekend in Arizona, driest state in all the land - I've been CHUGGING water. Seriously. I got up to pee last night like 4 times (didn't you wanna know that). I'm a veritable human fountain.

How long does it take to rehydrate yourself, I wonder. I'm sure it takes longer than the last few days. But I want pretty hair and moisturized skin now, pretty please.

In other, totally unrelated news, the T-Mobile commercial with Phil Jackson, Whoopi Goldberg and so on, continues to annoy me. Who made this commercial? It is trying to tell you this phone is customizable for the commoner... while billionaires pass it around, set to folk music. I are confused.

Good night, kittens. Must drink more water before crashing. I am SO tired.

And this is what's new...

Everyone's good advice on the new meds was/is appreciated. I have to tell you the nauseau in the morning is gross. I feel pretty much like I would expect a pregnant woman with morning sickness might feel like thought I've only just come close to vomiting once. I eat toast or drink a soda and I'm fine in an hour. And frankly, it's worth it because I feel BETTER.

My God, I spent the last few weeks in this haze and half the time, on the verge of tears. Some of the time, actually IN tears. But I'm better now. I'm not GREAT, but I'm better.

Tomorrow I have to remember to call my doctor to get my lab results from Saturday -- I'm sure I am fine, though. It was just a routine check. And if something was wrong, my phone would ring.

And in totally unrelated news, I am ashamed to confess tonight, I craved fast food. I seldom do and when I do, it's usually at 2am. But I craved fast food like hell after work today and opted for Togos. It's not McDonald's, so I feel a little more at ease with it, but I'm still achy from the ginormous sub I shoved down my throat along with some chips. {sigh}

I've been thinking lately, though, that it might be time for me to really go hard core. Push myself for just one week and see how I do. Maybe I will be so very pleased with the results, I can do it a second week... and a third. But the temptation in my life is great and I am most often too weak to fight it.

But it's something I'm considering.

And in completely unrelated news, tomorrow I get to wear my yoga pants and a t-shirt to work because we're having a 5-hour CPR training course. Was I keen to get certified in CPR? Maybe a little. Was I keen to not be at my desk for five hours, goof off with my friends and mouth-kiss a mannequin in my yoga pants? Abso-fuckin-lutely.

Sweet dreams.