CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Quote of the Day

J: Did you get the image I texted you?

Me: No, but my phone tends to reject technology. It is a wart on the ass of humanity.

J: That's the best review I've ever heard of a phone.

Me: Thank you. I don't know why Android isn't using it.

 

Quote of the Day

I love this so much more because one of my friends said it:

 

"Always choose the positive energy when you are down and feeling the opposite.

It changes everything"

-Mona

 

Quote of the Day

He is not a fan of Broadway...

 

Me: I'm listening to showtunes. I know you're jealous.

Him: I am. My ears are bleeding just thinking of it.

Me: Don't worry, I'll make you a CD.

Him: That's a great idea. I can show you what showtunes look like in the microwave. 

 

Quote of the Weekend

"What up Obama? I'm not wearing any pants."

{sigh}

Some people would prioritize political questions or health care inquiries. But I just wanted the President to know I was being classy.

Quote of the Day

 

Mom: It's your birthday, it's not a national holiday. 

Me: Um, yes it is. In my world it is TOTALLY a national holiday. 

 

(It's on May 8th, people! Mark it down. I've decided to be totally obnoxious about it this year.)

 

Quote of the Day

 

"I had a Shamrock Shake the other day. It tasted like childhood."

- A co-worker

 

 

 

Quote of the Day

 

Me: Whenever I wear red, I feel sassier.

Her: That's how I feel in my assless chaps.

 

 

 If he's signle, ladies, I have dibs.

 

 

Quote of the Day

 

"Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do.

Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong."

- Ella Fitzgerald

 

Quote of the Day

 

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

- Groucho Marx

 

 

Quote of the Day

 

I believe that everything happens for a reason.

People change so that you can learn to let go,

things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,

you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,

and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

- Marilyn Monroe

 

 

With thanks to Crystal.