A Letter on Behalf of my Hips
Dear Dodger Stadium,
I have a bone to pick with you!
Damn you and your unrealistic little seats. With your hard, cold, metal armrests that cut into my sides and leave me bruised the next morning. Look here, stadium people, I may be h
eavy but I am not morbidly obese. And I could fit into a normal chair and I am even be tolerably uncomfortable in Staples Center. But put me in those tiny Dodger seats, coupled with the girl beside me being larger than I am, and what we have are the makings of really horrible seating. It's not for the likes of me. At a concert, you stand a lot and this made it better but I will not be coming to a game there in my current size, for fear sitting in the hor sun, being squeezed in by your horrid seating might ruin me. The girl beside me kept apologizing and we both know it is not her fault. It forced me to keep myright arm around my friend most of the night when we were seated and frankly, I like my friend Jessica but I had no desire to know her in the bliblical sense!
And what, pray tell, is with your concessions? Where is a pseudo-healthy alternative? At Staples, you can get a salad or some grilled soft tacos. They have caramel apples but at least it's an apple! You can even bring in your own food and they 
tend to let that slide. But you can forget bringing in your own food at Dodger Stadium, you facist small-seating nazis. So what is supposed to be your healthy alternative? Carl's Jr.? Panda Express Orange Chicken? Dodger Dogs or Gordon Biersch Garlic Fries? Malts or ice Cream Sandwiches? And while I'm at it, fuck you for your $5 bottles of water and your $4.75 "large" soda. Up yours for your $13 CPK mini-pizzasthat you run out , $10 beer, $20 parking of and your lack of napkins. Grrrrr....
And if you could PLEASE rennovate your digusting murky bathrooms, I would be much obliged. The smells, the muddy ground, the leaking pipes... it's enough to keep me from drinking anything 24 hours in advance of being in your park.
