Do u get work crushes?
I work in Hollywood, land of Paris Hilton and other obtuse, ubiquitous, skinny things. Welcome to my 24/7 inferiority complex.
I suppose I feel like I don't stand a chance. I look how I look and they look how they look. That's not pessimistic, though I admit it's sad; it's just realistic. Let's not fool ourselves.
We want to believe Prince Charming is out there but as "fat girls," do we have to lower our standards?
Dear Male Co-workers o' Mine,
Let's quit it with the pinching jokes. Oh, I know it's St. Patrick's Day and I know if you don't wear green you risk the evil-pinch of immature asshats everywhere, but let's imagine for a moment that we're all mostly over 30 (admittedly, I am not) and can make it through a day without insulting comments that you seem to find uproariously funny.
Also, in that case, I feel the need to point out that though it be St. Patty's day, it is not normal for any man over 50 to have Shamrock stickers on his cheeks nor is it necessarily a good idea to tuck in your tacky green "Kiss me, I'm Irish" t-shirt. Especially when said shirt is tucked into khakis with PLEATS, people. PLEATS!
Just because we are a little pudgy does not mean we can act like clwons. Let's all take a littler personal inventory... and do some car bombs at the pub after work.
Your friend at COFG.
My office wants to make me obese. I give you the evidence:
Fridays: Bagels & Donuts
Birthdays: Department Lunches, Office party with much cake
Holidays: Cakes, cookies, parties
Quarters: Quarter-End Party with fried snacks and beer
Fridays: Summer Fridays, office pals go out for beers
Today: Platter of cookies in the kitchen
You see how this goes. I mean, what's a girl like me, with little to no self control, supposed to do when she is surrounded by all of this fattening chaos?
Nevermind the vending machine of joy in the back room. And the one upstairs. And the bowls of chocolate all over the office.
Oh, but on Mondays? Veggie and fruit platters. Gone to the early-arrivers. When I get here at 9, all that's left are the sour apples and broccoli. I really hate broccoli. Of course, I love the dip.
Must go. It's Jenny Craig on the phone. They can see my ass growing from down the street.
Change is good
